Very confusing relationshipMon, Mar 19th 2007
I have been with this girl for almost 2 years. I love her so much and can't imagine myself without her. But she has issues. Issues that I can't seem to escape or help her with. It doesn't take much to hurt her emotionally. Things that most people would shrug off or resolve with a honest apology, send her spiraling downward ruining her day, weekend or even longer. For example, a few weeks ago she called asking for a ride from work to pick up her car from the shop. She needed me to pick her up at 5 so we would have plenty of time to get her to her car before the shop closed. I showed up at her work at 5:03 on the nose and it turned into a horrible ordeal. She said that when she said 5 she meant before 5 and three minutes late is LATE!!! We still made it to her car with plenty of time to spare but that didn't matter anymore. When she gets upset, she gets really upset. It's on her mind constantly and she looses all motivation and she can't seem to escape her sorrow of it. She gets very upset when she thinks about my previous relationships and the small number of women I've slept with in the past. It drives her crazy and I end up feeling guilty even though I have done nothing wrong. I am the only one she has ever slept with and the thought of me with other women is too much for her to bare. She knows I'd never cheat on her. I'm as loyal as they come but the past puts her over the edge. She threatens to break up with me all the time. She says that the pain she feels from me is too much. She would rather feel nothing than what she is feeling now. She says I hurt her all the time and she can't take it. I know I'm not perfect and I don't do everything right but every little thing is treated like a horrible unforgivable act. And if she has been drinking, "which is not done all that often", it's like she opens the door to her inner most hatred. She'll call me in the middle of the night and keep calling till I answer. When she's mad at me, that's when things really get ugly. She says things to me that I don't want to repeat because they hurt just thinking of them. She says horrible cruel things to me and just keeps repeating them. If I hang up, I'm the jerk. If she hangs up, she expects me to call her back. The weird thing is, I still love her more than anything. And I know that deep down she loves me but this relationship cannot work like this. Something needs to change. I don't know if she has some sort of personality disorder or not. If she did, that would explain a lot. I just want to know how much of this should be placed on my shoulders. Right now, pretty much all of it is on my shoulders.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
- 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.